at night it comes back

it’s at night
isn’t it
when the path
of recovery
the words
of self-encouragement
slip away
and you find yourself
missing something

a sliver of panic
slices through
your calm
your steady
you’re losing it
and even though
you know enough
to let it flow
to not grab
to not duck
and dodge
and weave
it’s got you
held in the spotlight
and slinking off
to the shadows
just highlights
the contrast
between now
alone
and then
when you were coupled

why does it come back
just when i think i’m alright
set
sorted
cruising
why
when i’m tired
most vulnerable
most needing
to be held?
i guess there’s
my answer